Despite it being Easter Sunday (which is sacred in itself for spiritual rebirth and family fellowship), this time of day offers my favorite reading material of the week – the Sunday Edition. Today, I was lucky enough to be given today’s New York Times paper with an interesting magazine cover on top of the piling. The cover was a vintage picture of a young white mother with black shorts with her adorable son dressed up as a pirate in brown sandals for Halloween with the title “Why She Went: When Barry Obama was 6 years old, his mother moved him to Indonesia. It was a decision that would define his life and hers.” That adorable pirate and that Barry Obama are one in the same – he would later become our President Barack Obama.

His life story is the stuff of folklore almost – absent father, caring and supportive grandparents and mother raising him, having to figure out where he belongs as a teenager and young adult, finding his footing to go to Columbia for undergrad, law school, working as a community organizer only to ascend even higher and higher as a senator and finally, the President of the United States. If you haven’t read his memoir, it is definitely a requirement for any educated person. But little is known about his mother, the woman who fell in love with and married a charismatic and articulate Kenyan from the University of Hawaii, producing a baby boy that would be “king” so to speak.

After the divorce, she met and married a grad student named Lolo Soetoro from the Indonesian island of Java. She later moved to Indonesia with her young son in tow to begin her international adventure of raising children, working, and travelling the world. It’s kind of incredible to have a mother like that.

All the while, she was instilling in her six-year-old son the manners, morals, and widened, world perspective that would be his signature persona as an adult. The new Mrs. Soetoro had her son reading from workbooks, encouraging him to be “a combination of Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, and Harry Belafonte.” High standards for sure but somehow I think she succeeded in her task.

What internal strength it must have taken to move away from everyone and everything you know to submerge yourself in a completely new culture and country to marry the man you love. Bravery and courage almost seem too simple to use in describing such a feat. It was something steely and powerful inside of this “mild-mannered” Kansas native – almost like Clark Kent with the heart and soul of Superman.

I reflect on this chapter of her life with relief, relief to know that my new adventure has been travelled by one of the most influential people in American history. Okay, this is just MY OPINION but the mother of President Barack Obama was the person that shaped him to be the man, leader, father, husband, brother, and human being that we all have the privilege to know and respect. Therefore, she is a part of American history, one of the many stories from the American Dream.

I’m not going to say that I am not afraid of this new adventure that I am on in a week but I will say that I am more calm and even resolute to this new chapter. I think I have that travelling spirit of Stanley Ann Dunham, ready to meet my destiny no matter where it takes me. I pray that God will lead my heart to that destination and that I will trust in His plan for me.

Happy Easter, everyone!

I realized that it would be a pretty boring blog if I only wrote about all the wonderful things that happen in my life.  Life is not always wonderful! It can be difficult, riddled with hardship and sacrifice, and it wouldn’t be fair to ignore that portion of life in order to maintain the unrealistic facade of perfection.  It would almost be liking dumbing my material down and you all are way too smart for that!

But don’t worry. Sustained amounts of self-pity and negative self-talk is not my style.  A balance must exist, exposing both the ying and yang to make my experiences real and more importantly, give us all a wider and more varied perspective on the good and bad.

With that, here we go!

The move for the new job in my beloved NOLA occurs in less than two weeks and I am making plans for every step of the process.  Luckily, the only “major’ piece of furniture I proudly own is a white nightstand I bought used with crystal-like knobs and picturesque design.  Everything else I classify as “stuff” - toiletry stuff, kitchen stuff, wardrobe stuff, past-time stuff, etc.  All that “stuff” will have to fit in my car or it’s getting tossed.  Talk about SPRING CLEANING!

But life never hands you just one “obstacle” at a time.  I am also ending the semester with my classes, forced to start Final Exam season prematurely because of the move.  I would like to say that all of my students were completely understanding and sympathetic to this change of plans but I can’t.  I’m pretty fragile right now so all the unnecessary criticism and requests (especially coming at the END of the semester, the most stress-ridden time of the semester for every faculty member, staff member, student, and member of administration) are cutting me pretty deeply.  I had to take a mental health day today and have office hours through email just to collect myself.

To keep perspective, I keep reminding myself that no matter how hard it is for me right now, it will be that much more sweet two weeks from now when I moved to New Orleans for the summer in a furnished sublet in walking distance from the Quarter and exciting cafes, bars, and other excursions while I begin my teaching training and start work in the following month.  And then there is the Essence Music Festival that I have always wanted to go but never had the money for.  I will BE THERE this year! It’s kind of amazing how life can turn on a dime. I already have a short tally of colleagues who are coming to visit me this summer.  Maybe I’ll charge a small fee.  What do you think?

It also kind of interesting to know that a year ago, the BP Oil Spill occurred and changed the future of the Gulf Coast drastically.  I have mixed feelings about this.  While I am happy that NOLA and other major cities in the Gulf have made an effort to resurrect themselves from the tragedy as best they can, I think the tragedy is still happening even if the news stops covering it.  People who depend on the healthy life of the Gulf for survival are still being victimized and the powers that be (i.e. BP) STILL have not fixed the problem nor done what is RIGHT and FAIR.  The company KNOWS what needs to be done yet nothing is happening and you know who suffers?  The good people at the bottom of the food chain who only want to work hard and provide for themselves and their families.  It feels like Katrina all over again.

The only solace I can have is that I have an opportunity to make a difference on my working vacation this summer.  I get to work as a teacher through an institution outside the reach of school board bureaucracy and greed to reach my students and their parents in a pragmatic and holistic way that I have never been able to do before. It’s a great honor!  Wish me luck!

But as you know, life never just hands you one thing to fret/get frustrated over. I had to grade huge piles of MLA research papers from my TWO Composition classes, totalling about 25-30 papers ranging from 5-10 pages in length. You do the math. But it wasn’t the fact that I had to grade these papers that made me feel discouraged, it was the overall content and organization of a certain set of papers that made me want to cry.

Let me explain. As an educator, I try to be as transparent as possible with my expectations for class participation, class discussions, homework, and essays. That is why I hand out very detailed syllabi with the breakdown of course material that will be covered every week of the semester. I painstakendly sculpted course material to advance gradually so students could steadily improve in their writing and critical content. Because a MLA research paper is chronically much more intense and difficult for students, I took great care in assigning simpler papers at the beginning of the semester, gradually intensifying the material to prepare students for this major assignment. I make myself completely available to students during office hours and via email. I spent many class meetings outlining the paper’s guidelines and offered MANY resources that students can refer to to help them in their endeavor. In short, I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do.

Despite all of this active precautions and preparation, I have had to read papers that lack the basic guidelines I have outlined since the beginning of the semester in January. Essay headings are deformed, typos and spelling errors run amuck, in-text citations and peer-viewed drafts are missing in action, and repetition makes the reading stale.

I have been talking to my colleagues in the office and they are experiencing the same frustration with their own students. Somehow some students have forgotten the work ethic and professionalism they had learned from their college classes this semester. Is senioritis contagious? Can it be contracted through the campus air conditioning, drinking fountains or cafeteria food? I am afraid for everyone!

I think the reason why we educators take this so hard is because we care WAY TOO MUCH. I mean, this isn’t a profession known for its lucrative paychecks. You get into this profession because you genuinely LOVE what you do – you love mentoring and helping students ascend to their best selves “by any means necessary.” And that is why you stay up late crafting interesting course material, writing syllabi, and finding supplementary materials that we get you and your students excited about learning.

So to see the bright side of the situation, I refer to my students who really “GET IT” – the students who see what you see in the importance of this class and its material. They are the people I work for and give selflessly to. They are the light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Thank you for seeing ME the way I see YOU – empathetic critical learners, writers, and citizens of the global community.

Being a romantic, I have been reflecting on what elements are necessary to make my current relationship work through cinema-therapy (I know how that sounds but I am an unabashed romantic).  My favorite films I have been “revisiting” is a classic from high school – Titanic starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. Besides the epic tragedy of lives lost, the film centers around the love story between a penniless but ambitious artist and a privileged yet fearless debutante defying the odds to be together.  They meet at a very sensitive time for the young woman – she is contemplating suicide so that she can escape her life of strict expectation and family obligation.  At that moment, Jack (Leo’s character) sees through the fine clothes and fancy jewels to who Rose really is – a trapped canary in a bejeweled cage who has lost her song.  It isn’t until he challenges her to fight for the life she wants that she sees him as the lifelong companion she needs and deserves.

When I saw the film in theaters, I remember yearning to have the intimate connection that Rose had with Jack; they knew each other as individuals outside of their disparate, social classes.  Rose and Jack had the courage to support one another no matter what obstacles came their way – threats of being shot, arrested, beat up, called ugly names, even a sinking ship.  How did they know that they were supported? It was innate.  When Jack was arrested for alleged stealing the “Heart of the Ocean” necklace, Rose was stunned by the accusation.  But when she listened to her intuition, she realized that Jack would never steal from her – that was not the kind of man he was.

I wanted to be Rose in my own life – having the courage to love someone fearlessly and get that same love in return.  I think I have found it.  Unfortunately, being in a long-distance relationship can be difficult.  You have to be very direct and specific with exclusivity, returning of calls missed, visits, and general communication.  You also have to sync your work and social life with his (and more importantly, he needs to value the relationship enough to do the same).  Trust is vital – without it, you are rowing the lifeboat by yourself.  That can be pretty tiring and emotionally frustrating.  Luckily, I have a partner-in-crime. I also realized that I need more quality time and romance from my significant other (and I am pretty sure he knows it too).

The advantage to being in a long-distance relationship is that it gives you space to focus on your own life and interests.  I plunge into new activities and interests that my partner may not be as passionate about as I am.  Then I get to recount the fun to him later.

To be clear, I understand that real life is not a fairytale nor one of Disney’s classic films.  There is no Prince Charming and no Hollywood “happy ending.”  What there is are real people making personal connections, establishing emotional boundaries, and making the leap to loving someone without restraint for the sake of being human.  I would rather leap with Love’s courage than be afraid to fall.

While it was a meager showing (only 13 students came),  it was a beautiful showing.  A few students even brought cookies for the event.  I was touched because I wasn’t planning to have food at all.  I suggested bringing enough food for “the class” (of 15-20) but I know my students are strapped for cash (even more than me).  I didn’t want to push the issue.  Despite that, there was a great showing of fellowship snacks and shockingly, DINNER!

One of the students who worked as a pizza delivery driver donated six pies of pizza to the event, saying that his manager even donated an extra pie because the event was “for college kids and they sure will be hungry.”  I almost cried!  This generosity was the embodiment of the film’s theme (and the students didn’t even know it yet).

I also thought about how I can make the theme of the film have practical applications to our world now.  The morning before the screening I was listening to my playlist on shuffle and my MP3 player played a song I haven’t heard a few years at least – “We Are The World” of 1985.  As I listened the lyrics (which I know by heart), I realized that this event could be more than just a diversion from class; it had the potential to make history (even if it is just for these classes and this college).

So I decided to make the event a mini-fundraiser for the American Red Cross towards the Japan Disaster Relief.  The suggested donation was $5 but any donation would be accepted.  Before we watched the film, I collected donations that totaled $37.  That might seem small to some people but knowing my students and the financial stresses they carry with them daily, I was very honored that they offered what little they had to such a worthwhile cause.  That is a memory I was always remember.

Who knows what else we’ll do this semester? Visiting the Smithsonian a-la-To Sir, With Love?  Having an End-of-the Semester Party in DC? Get invited to the White House by the President and the First Lady? The President and the First Lady visiting US on-campus?  The sky is the limit! Stay posted!

My roommate needed a ride to work at 11 but I had to go in to work early because I had some clerical work to do before my 9:30AM class. He assumed that since my job is very close by and my work doesn’t really “start” until 9:30AM, he could take as long as HE wanted to get ready. Naturally, that logic was extremely flawed. There is MORE to my job than just teaching and I relayed that to him. I later addressed the fact that if he doesn’t inquire (or seem interested in knowing) about my work life, he will continue to assume a whole lot of flawed logic. The argument intensified where he called me “immature,” that I was “acting like I was better than him,” and that I was not accepting the “fact” that he was “doing the best [he] can do” by working full-time and getting a paycheck.

When you know a person for more than ten years (I have known my roommate for 19 years), you have a stable sense of who this person is and more importantly, you know his/her potential to impact the world. So when you hear excuses from this same person to not tap into that potential, you listen intently but know that those excuses are holding this person back from his/her destiny. That’s what I told him but instead of hearing how much potential I believe he has, all he heard was that he wasn’t trying hard enough and got defensive. Once he gets defensive, he starts yelling and I stop listening (call it a woman thing).

I realized that his emotional maturity is underdeveloped and the “chip on [his] shoulder” will make it impossible to have any honest conversation about his future. I also realized that it wasn’t up to me to “save” him – he has to want to save himself first.

So now he is planning on moving out at the end of the month and personally, I’m relieved. I won’t be tethered to his insecurity anymore. So naturally, I’m “on the next one” as Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter would say in his song. At this point, I am all about self-progression.

I realized that living from paycheck to paycheck is not living at all; it’s surviving.  It keeps the lights on, food in the fridge, gas in the car, needed clothes on your back, and a place to stay for another month. I spent my twenties nickel-and-diming from one job to another (and even two or three at once to make ends meet) and realized that those days need to become less and less if I have any hope of becoming the strong, independent woman that I want to be.

For that to happen, my skills need to be recognized by employers with full-time job opportunities.  Therefore, marketing and creating exposure for those skills are paramount.  So in a way,  this blog is part of my marketing package.  Freelancing is also another part.  My dream is to become a writer and live (and work) in either New Orleans or New York City.  Just throwing that out to the universe.

But “what I know for sure” is that making money does not insure “success” as an adult.  Anyone can make money in many different ways – some legally but many illegally.  A bi-weekly paycheck is the product; as an adult, one has to focus on the process that creates the product.  What are you doing to get that paycheck? What OTHER skills and life experiences are you cultivating in the process?

These kinds of qualities are not tangible objects to be counted like cash but nonetheless, they are more valuable than a thousand paychecks! Qualities like emotional maturity, responsibility,character, and integrity are just a few things that transform you from a kid working from job to job to an adult pursuing a lifelong career.

I’m not a kid anymore and if anyone claims to be an adult, those qualities need to become a priority because no employer wants a kid as a lifelong employee.  Companies want adults that are more than just worker bees.  They want people with those intangible qualities that can eventually become the Queen (or King) Bee.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20473235,00.htm

#30:I love Christmas music during the holidays!
#29:I love Eggnog! No one in my fam likes it but I get it every year! Then I know it’s Xmas!
#28:I have a special reverence for The Nutcracker – I was a toy soldier and rat (not in the same production) in my dance school’s production when I was a kid. Yes, I was a ballet dancer and I still miss it!

#27: When I got into DC, a strange feeling comes over. I feel this sense of pride and awe being in the region where major decisions in our country are made. And I am THAT CLOSE to meeting the Obamas! Hey, it could happen!

#26: I am so proud of my younger brother! He is my rock (even if he doesn’t know it and gets on my nerves sometimes)!

#25: I hate the smell of chitterlings! When I was younger, my parents would love to cook it on the stove and the entire house had its disgusting smell. To this day, I will never eat a bite of it!

#24: I learned how to type so fast from the Mavis Beacon computer program. When I graduated from middle school, my dad put me on this schedule to work on the program every day, almost all summer. To this day, I rarely have to look down at the keys (really just for the numbers because I don’t use them as much as letters).

#23: I used to be really jealous of my brother when we were little. When he was a toddler and my mom was filming him with the video camera, when she wasn’t looking, I would knock him down softly. LOL! But eventually, I got over it.

#22: In middle school, I used to like this boy but he wouldn’t be honest if he liked me or some other girl. He called me up at home and I got so tired of his crap that I played the chorus in Janet Jackson’s song “If” and hung up the phone. Look it up, kiddies. Boy, did I have some guts as a kid!

#21: My cousin let me ride with him on his motorcycle when I was a teenager. We went REALLY fast! It was so much fun but my mom was so afraid for me. I couldn’t stop laughing!

#20: My mother has an obsession for all things Ralph Lauren, especially when she was pregnant with me. She named me after her favorite designer and perfume.

#19: I am the oldest sibling in my immediate family. My younger brother is my new roommate.

#18: Initially, I attended college in hopes of being a doctor. I took an internship in HS with an orthopedic surgeon and fell in love with the practice. But once I started taking the required math and science courses (and started failing those classes even with all help in the world), I quickly switched to English.

#17: I worked in the Human Resources Department in the University Library when I was a sophomore at UF. I learned a great deal about the inner workings of payroll (like library staff gets really agitated when their checks aren’t correct).

#16: No, I have never been married (and I have no kids) but I would like to be someday.

#15: For a school trip in HS, I went to Europe. The class and I went to Italy (Venice and Verona), Germany and Switzerland. Talk about a great Spring Break!

#14: I am a chronic bibliophile. Currently, I’m reading True You by Janet Jackson and I just got On Beauty by Zadie Smith from the library for a DOLLAR! I also uploaded Grimm’s Fairy Tales (you got to know the classics, right?),  a lot of Oscar Wilde, Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen, and W.E.B. DuBois on my E-reader application on my laptop!

#13: I love Spoken Word Poetry. I have two locations in Miami that I used to when work wasn’t too hectic. I have yet to find a new place in the DMV area.  Any suggestions?

#12: If I had to choose a TV character that was the most like me, I would say either Brenda Lee Johnson from TNT’s The Closer or Kate Reed from USA’s Fairly Legal. Their mix of strength and vulnerability is something I can DEFINITELY identify with.

#11: I met Hill Harper at Yale where he held a luncheon for young people for his book Letters to a Young Brother. He is incredibly nice and well-spoken. My HS students were trying to hook me up with him. How embarrassing (but he did call me “exquisite”)! Not bad for a HS teacher!

#10: I am a closet romantic. I hate to say it but it’s true. I love listening to my fave love songs (mostly from MJJ) to go to sleep to.

#9: I buy at least two new fashion/celebrity gossip magazines every other Friday. I am also a loyal follower of The Young, Black, and Fabulous celebrity blog since 2003. A lady has to stay current on ALL kinds of news!

#8: I secretly want to be a DJ. I actually tried it out at a friend’s party and I was terrible (but I loved every minute of it!). I have this secret talent of creating the most amazing mixed tapes/playlists for every mood. My iPod and Blackberry are full of them.

#7: My parents raised my brother and me to appreciate the rich history of African-American music and film. We listened to all the Motown greats (The Temptations, The Four Tops, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross and the Supremes, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Jackson 5/The Jacksons), Sam Cooke, James Brown, 70′s and 80′s Soul/R&B singers (Earth, Wind, and Fire, The Emotions, The Pointer Sisters, Phyllis Hyman, Whitney Houston, Luther Vandross, Freddie Jackson, The Commodores, Lionel Ritchie, Donny Hathaway), and 90′s R&B (Michael Jackson, Jermaine Jackson, Janet Jackson, Anita Baker, Vanessa Williams, Tevin Campbell, Boyz II Men, Usher, TLC, En Vogue).  I tend to gravitate to those greats and compare everyone else on the music scene to them – sorry, new artists!

#6: I was not popular in HS. I was/still am really tall (almost as tall as the teacher), a tomboy (I played volleyball and preferred jeans and Chapstick to dresses and lipstick to wear to class), was a novice writer (I wrote a vampire novel for fun and it became a Freshman sensation) and liked to listening to SKA and rock music (long live No Doubt, Prince, and Lenny Kravitz!).

#5: After not having an “exit strategy” for graduating college, my parents moved me to CT in hopes that I would go to grad school at Yale. Yale didn’t work out (I worked full-time in a bookstore and in retail for a year instead) but Columbia eventually did. Not bad for a runner-up.

#4: I lived in NYC for two years. While at Columbia, I stayed in Harlem with my great uncle. It was wonderful and I miss it terribly.

#3: I saw the musical The Color Purple two times: once on my own dime in NYC and once when my parents came to NYC. As far as the rest of my family goes, I have become an adopted New Yorker.

#2: As a result of #4, I am a huge fan of  Sex and the City. Yes, I have seen the entire set of the series and yes, I own the movie (and I have seen it at least three times so far).  Unfortunately, I was a little disappointed with its sequel – Carrie, you married the love of your life! Work stuff out TOGETHER! You don’t need to go OUTSIDE your marriage to feel complete in your marriage! I’m just sayin’.

#1: I have fallen love in with New Orleans a year ago at a conference and hopefully, I will be able to spend my summer there for some volunteer work that can beef up my resume.

Mind you, I had zero experience in serving anyone except my family during holidays, family reunions, and family visits but I figured that I could learn on the job and I was right.  The first week was focused solely on training – being a “marathon” server, having “fun” while you work, and treating the customer like gold or better.  I also was the ONLY person who never served in a restaurant before so I stood out a little.  But to sweeten the deal, I (and all the experienced servers) had opportunities to “win” free food from the menu and was paid for the training.

Once training ended, the real test began.  On the first few days, local businesses and neighbors with coupons came for free meals.  It felt more like intermediate training with live specimen than actual shifts.  Either way, it was a winning bargain – customers got free food and decent service while we new servers got the practice and work experience we needed.  And some of us servers even got tips from the free meals we served.

Finally, the real world of restaurants collided a week later.  We servers got order books with a mini binder to carry them, aprons, the miniature menu “cheat-sheet,” and finally, table sections (usually 4-6 tables a shift). Then the “real” paying customers started coming to eat.  The real test of my serving competency began.

The majority of customers were very nice and understanding.  They allowed me to go through my server script of opening greeting and appetizer/beverage/entrée suggestions.  I made friends with the kitchen and expo staff so that the right food came out on time and with little hassle.  I learned to coordinate the time it took me to get beverages and input food orders into the touchscreen computer with the time to took for food orders from other tables to be cooked and ready for their customers.  I’m not going to say that it was a simple process but over time, I learned how to do it effectively.

And like new restaurants, more people came and more money was spent.  I would like to say that my tips increased but that would not be the complete truth.  The truth is complicated, like many things in life.   When I first started, I had trouble understanding how to complete a cash transaction for a bill.  Do I give “the house” all the money?  Do I give the bill’s cost to “the house”? Do I keep it and give to my manager after my shift? My training didn’t go over that so I had to learn through trial and error.  That meant I tried to hold on to as much money as I was supposed to, give those earnings to “the house” at the end of my shift, and hopefully, I wouldn’t have given all of my tips to my manager in error.  Some days/nights were better than others.

But what I learned the most was how people can transform when they become restaurant customers (and managers for that matter).  In regular circumstances, mild-mannered people are hospitable, courteous, and accommodating.  But something changes when these “regular” people cross the power barrier to become customers or managers at a restaurant.  The old adage of “absolute power corrupts absolutely” has never been more true in this situation.

Like during our “free meals” sessions, the majority of customers were very understanding and in good spirits when things went well and not so well.  However, the minority sometimes spoiled the bunch of the majority.  This minority of “elite” felt entitled to perfection at every meal.  Now I can understand that expectation.  You go out with your hard-earned money and expect to be treated like a human being (or maybe even royalty) at a restaurant.  I want that too when I go out to eat.

However, behind the curtain, with unreliable food shipping schedules, weather hazards, missing crucial ingredients/supplies, inexperienced kitchen staff, and evasive managers, perfect service may not be a reality in some cases.   Unfortunately, all customers get to see is the server and food.  The server has the uneasy role of being the face of the restaurant and if things behind the curtain shut down, he/she left dealing with it in the presence of the customer.  So naturally, the server has to think logically and quickly in the face of turmoil while looking like he/she is completely in control.  It becomes even more stressful when the problems behind the curtain are not revealed until the order is taken.

This minority of customers may only focus on the obvious – missing/late/cold food/beverages, over-booked restaurant, and slow service.   The manager may be called so the customer can vent his/her frustration out on a person of authority instead of the “inexperienced” server.  The customers may either accept the problem with some grumbling, get bill reduced for the trouble, or get the entire bill paid by the restaurant.  In either case, the tip for that server will be nonexistent.

I say all of this to say that working as a server taught me a great deal about people and myself.  I learned that some people in power will abuse it to make themselves feel better.