As I contemplate the end of my 20′s, I realize how the positive and negative experiences have shaped my personal philosophy of life and love. For a career, I need to feel like I am making a difference in the world and be passionate about my pursuits. For my social life, I need real friends to comfort me in times of strife and tragedy and are consistent in their concern which only empowers me to be the same for them. In dating relationships, I need the companionship of a best friend, the intimacy of a lover, and the empathy of a passionate philanthropist so that I feel safe enough to be the same thing for my partner.
Being a romantic, I have been reflecting on what elements are necessary to make my current relationship work through cinema-therapy (I know how that sounds but I am an unabashed romantic). My favorite films I have been “revisiting” is a classic from high school – Titanic starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. Besides the epic tragedy of lives lost, the film centers around the love story between a penniless but ambitious artist and a privileged yet fearless debutante defying the odds to be together. They meet at a very sensitive time for the young woman – she is contemplating suicide so that she can escape her life of strict expectation and family obligation. At that moment, Jack (Leo’s character) sees through the fine clothes and fancy jewels to who Rose really is – a trapped canary in a bejeweled cage who has lost her song. It isn’t until he challenges her to fight for the life she wants that she sees him as the lifelong companion she needs and deserves.
When I saw the film in theaters, I remember yearning to have the intimate connection that Rose had with Jack; they knew each other as individuals outside of their disparate, social classes. Rose and Jack had the courage to support one another no matter what obstacles came their way – threats of being shot, arrested, beat up, called ugly names, even a sinking ship. How did they know that they were supported? It was innate. When Jack was arrested for alleged stealing the “Heart of the Ocean” necklace, Rose was stunned by the accusation. But when she listened to her intuition, she realized that Jack would never steal from her – that was not the kind of man he was.
I wanted to be Rose in my own life – having the courage to love someone fearlessly and get that same love in return. I think I have found it. Unfortunately, being in a long-distance relationship can be difficult. You have to be very direct and specific with exclusivity, returning of calls missed, visits, and general communication. You also have to sync your work and social life with his (and more importantly, he needs to value the relationship enough to do the same). Trust is vital – without it, you are rowing the lifeboat by yourself. That can be pretty tiring and emotionally frustrating. Luckily, I have a partner-in-crime. I also realized that I need more quality time and romance from my significant other (and I am pretty sure he knows it too).
The advantage to being in a long-distance relationship is that it gives you space to focus on your own life and interests. I plunge into new activities and interests that my partner may not be as passionate about as I am. Then I get to recount the fun to him later.
To be clear, I understand that real life is not a fairytale nor one of Disney’s classic films. There is no Prince Charming and no Hollywood “happy ending.” What there is are real people making personal connections, establishing emotional boundaries, and making the leap to loving someone without restraint for the sake of being human. I would rather leap with Love’s courage than be afraid to fall.
This is very sweet. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work out like the movies in real life. Relationships are difficult and there are barely any actual “swept off your feet” type moments.
I too have been thinking about how the positive and negative experiences of my past have shaped my personal views on life and love. I have realized that my negative experiences tend to have an overall stronger impact than the wonderful positive ones that I have had. I agree 100% with what you said: “I would rather leap with Love’s courage than be afraid to fall.” for that is the only way to form new positive experiences.
I relate to this article completely. Not only do I find Titanic to be a classic love story, but I also find myself in the trials and tribulations of a long distance relationship. I have learned that trust, communication, and sacrifice play a big part, not only from afar, but in any relationship. Having someone who is one of the biggest support systems around and to do so from how many miles away still astounds me to this day.
I could never imagine being in a long distance relationship. Although I do not need to be physically present around my boyfriend all the time I love coming home to him and being able to talk to him about my day in his arms. The idea of having to travel long distances for a hug boggles my mind. You have to have a lot of patience to do long distance.
Everyone imagines love to be like a fairytale. That may not always be the case as we grow older. When we all are young we have a image of what “love” may be like, how your partner may appear to be, how you will find him/her, how your perfect day will be, etc. How you find love may not have been how you imagined it or even expected. However the love you have for your partner and how you both equally put an effort to make it work, can in a sense be magically.